The Kelly Files

Synopsis of memoir

This memoir is non-fiction. I have written a story of my life to reach a particular audience. First of all, it is important to tell you I have bipolar disorder. This is mainly what the book is based on. However there are twists and turns. I explain the sorts of thoughts, fears and problems you have when suffering with psychosis. When you suffer with this illness you tend to create fantasies. Of course I don’t suffer this all the time as I am medicated, however when I suffer with a breakdown, I believe and obsess over these fantasies. This story takes you on a trip through the mind of someone with this illness and the problems you face on a daily basis. It is slightly fictional as the ideas are what I believe and are not really true.

The memoir starts by explaining a little about what I have been obsessing about, music. I have always chased the dream of singing, even though I’m not very good. Someone with bipolar disorder will believe that they can do anything they want when they are on a high. For instance, I went to an x factor audition at the age of 19 in order to change my life. I was, however turned away on the first audition. This happened strait after I had been in hospital for 3 months.

I explain a little of the problems I faced in hospital. I did suffer a little abuse from nurses. I reacted in the way I did after I had left hospital because I wanted to run away from my problems. That was just it then, I never faced them head on. I always was too afraid to say this is me, I have this illness and I am just going to live my life.

As I have mentioned, I have obsessions. The first is music, but then the other is a man. This man was someone I know from high school. I used to talk about him to a friend all the time and to be honest, it’s all pretty embarrassing. As soon as I am well again I forget these obsessions and start to feel and think like your average Jo. It isn’t something you like to admit to yourself. It sometimes feels like I just want to go to a group, stand up and say “My name is Jodie Mann and I am obsessed.” That sounds so stupid for me even to say, but it’s like being an alcoholic. They have a crutch, but this is mine. A lot of people don’t know how to deal with people with mental health problems, but they are not as different to everyone else as you think.

I sometimes think what is a normal thought? But that is just the thing they are just stupid thoughts. Everyone has them. I sometimes feel like running from them, but they are not hurting anyone. Psychosis does speed your thoughts and you run from idea to idea in hope to make something of your life. But sometimes the thoughts are so loud I argue with myself. Who am I talking to? I always ask this but it still makes no sense.

I go on to explain the conversations I have with the voices in my head. They are only there when I’m suffering a nervous breakdown, but they are in the book to show the kind of conversations people with bipolar disorder have. I have called these conversations simply the conversations.

To sum up, this memoir is to inform and remove ignorance of this illness. It is a commonly talked of subject, however is still not really understood. The reason I have written this is to inform people and mental illness is not something to be afraid of, it makes you who you are.